Chillaxing in an armchair

Hello everyone!

As I'm writing this I'm sat in my freezing cold lounge, still dark outside, waiting to go for a run (no, this is not me chillaxing in the armchair - that comes later!). Next week is race day and the start time isn't until between 9.30 and 10.30 so I'll need something to eat before running. The thing is, I never eat before running! The only 2 times I've ever eaten before a run were for my 10k a couple of years ago and a 5k years and years ago. Both those times my ongoing digestive problems were either none existent or much less problematic, so I'm quite worried about tummy trouble next week! Therefore today I'm up far too early for a Sunday to eat something light and give it a couple of hours to digest before I set off, just to make sure my mashed banana, little bit of yoghurt and some ginger doesn't have me running to the nearest loo! I'm doing a loop fairly close to my house so if I need to nip back I can do...(these last few weeks of digestive problems have not left me feeling particularly confident in this department)!

I'm not going to lie, I hate this waiting around. I like to get up and go before I get too comfy on the sofa.

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Happenings 

This week at work has been manic as usual, and as a result there's not much to rave about.

On Tuesday I got an email from one of my best friends. It had a link to a job advert, and simply said "I think you'd be perfect for this". Whilst the job advert closed the following day, and I wasn't in a position to be applying for jobs that quickly, it was a bit of a lightbulb moment. If I'm not enjoying my job, if it's taking over my life, and even stopping me from having a life, then I don't have to keep doing that job! (Yeah, I know, I should have figured that out myself!) Friends are the best!

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My Saturday was just lovely though. It started with my usual therapy appointment (which once I again I was nearly late for because of somewhat unreliable London transport! There's nothing like a brisk walk/run to a different station 20 minutes away to wake you up!) where we talked about rule breaking. I am so not a rule breaker - I'm a miss goody two shoes, a teacher's pet, a do what I'm told kind of person! And my restricting period was a true example of this. It was interesting to talk about how rules were either achieved or failed, meaning everything was black and white. I need to be aiming for more of those grey areas - eating healthily and sensibly, but not going overboard on restricting the amounts and types of foods I eat. When we feel like we've failed a rule, we're more likely to think everything's gone to pot and we might as well fail completely - cue binging!

Afterwards me and the bf headed over to Shoreditch in East London. We had a wander round feeling ever so mainstream (Shoreditch is renowned for being super alternative and trendy, having excellent independent coffee shops, and being the home of quirky cafes such as the Cereal Cafe - that's right, a cafe that sells cereals from all over the world!) but I loved it! It's always so refreshing to be somewhere with so much independent character.

We grabbed a coffee (fresh mint tea for me) in a great, small coffee shop with beautiful fireplaces. The tea was so good and my bf appreicated the coffee art! (The photo makes it look messed up but it was actually perfect).

We then headed off to the Electric Cinema to see Whiplash. The Electric Cinema is an independent cinema with 2 cinemas across London. Forget the hard, uncomfy seats you normally get with no leg room. Here you get armchairs (or sofas at one of the cinemas) with bags of leg room, blankets and small table lamps. It was amazing! The tickets are obviously much more expensive but as a treat (this was part one of my Christmas present to my bf of 12 dates of Christmas) it's totally worth it. If you're interested make sure you book well in advance - for a lot of the evening screenings the tickets go as soon as they're released (normally a week before the showing). Saying that, this 12.45 screening we went to was mostly empty, which was lovely!

As for the film itself - well I wasn't sure what to expect. I'd let my bf choose and hadn't given much attention to what it was about. Turned out to be a winner! The acting was amazing, and it was refreshingly different to the usual action/rom-com/sci-fi. Definitely recommend it.

The rest of the day was spent in front of a radiator under a blanket (SO COLD!) catching up on TV including new Big Bang Theory. LOVE that show!

Eatings

Because I'm back to working away from home and living off supermarket food I've been really struggling with this whole lowFODMAP eating. EVERYTHING has onion or garlic in it, or the veggie salads are all with chickpeas or lentils or beans. The first day I was there I had a massive fail and ended up just getting an egg salad (even that had cold new potatoes and onions in) and added some extra cheese. It was so pathetic! I did get a lot better by the end of the week, but I have a feeling I'll be surviving off a lot of eggs!

My egg and cheese salad looking so pathetic

Egg fried in coconut oil, and cheese, on coconut bread with fruit - this was actually so good!

No eggs or cheese - hooray! Smoked tofu with spinach, sweet potato fries, and bell pepper

Movings

Just the usual this week. A very windy coastal run on Tuesday morning and a great run on Friday where my legs just felt so strong! Let's hope my run today is as good! Managed one yoga session (the yoga for runners online) as well.

Thinkings

Job and life satisfaction have been pretty much dominating my thoughts this week. Thoughts about whether I really do want to change my job, or whether I'm just having a tough project, or even being ungrateful. Thoughts about what I'd do if I changed job - I'd probably shift out of this particular career as it requires too much time away from home and too many hours. Thoughts about whether I even would want to work in London!

I'm not going to go head on in to job hunting. I'll probably sign up for a few job alerts and see what comes through over the next couple of months to help me get a better idea of what I want to do first. I don't want to rush in to anything!

Hope you have great weeks!

E x

What do you eat before a run? What's your dream job?

Digesting my digestive problems

Oh dear, there's nothing like a cheesy pun on a Sunday to get things going..

Happenings

This week's been a fairly quiet one here. Finished one of my ongoing projects at work and spent some time working from home. There really is nothing that beats waking up in your own bed, then spending the time you normally commute going for a run in the fresh air, and sitting at your own desk in peace and quiet with your slippers on!

On Thursday I headed to my GP to discuss some digestive problems. I've had problems for years and have done my best to ignore them (because that always works, right!?). When I was restricting my digestive system basically ground to a halt so I blamed all my digestive discomfort on that. When I started eating more I developed insensitivities to a number of foods such as oats and most recently wheat. But the digestive problems went beyond that - stomach cramps, bloating (so much bloating!), constantly changing toilet habits (enough said...)...and it was only getting worse. I tried to constantly try and blame it on unhealthy things I was eating but it was clear that wasn't it.

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Since I started my meal plans with the dietitian I've been pretty much in constant pain during the afternoons and evenings. It shocked me how much how my stomach felt affected my self confidence. It was starting to get unbearable and I felt pretty helpless.

Whilst I was at home over Christmas I found out my Mum had been diagnosed with IBS when she was younger, and it made me realise I had to just face my problems and find out whether that's what my problems were. I don't know why I'd been pretending the problems weren't happening for so long - they clearly weren't going to get better, and a diagnosis was only going to help me find solutions.

I also read Roni and Sarah's blogs, and they've both been tackling their digestive problems recently. It gave me that added push to go and see the Dr. I love the blogging community!

After describing my symptoms the Dr said it probably was IBS. She explained that it's highly linked to stress and mood, and that the amount of stress my body has been under over the last year has probably made it worse.

She wasn't particularly great in providing any useful information for how to improve my symptoms, other than "try to relax"...gee, thanks. I've got an information sheet, and have already done quite a lot of research into things like the low FODMAP diet which I'm going to give a go. If anyone's looking for a great book to introduce the FODMAP diet I highly recommend this one. I'm hoping to go back to my dietitian so that she can provide some advice and help with my meal plans.

Movings

I took a bit of a break from running as I had some foot and knee pain from my 10k the other weekend. I managed to get out for a 9k though this morning and things felt nicely healed!

Other than that, lots of walking and the odd yoga session.

Eatings

Salads and healthy snacks to avoid uncontrolled eating whilst working from home.

Some hot water and lemon to start the day.

Post run waffles made with eggs and coconut flour. With sides of caramelised bananas in date syrup and warmed berries.

Eggs fried in coconut oil with a side of frozen berries. Breakfast low FODMAPs styley....oh yeah. And can I please drawer your attention to the size of that grape! It's almost the same size as the egg yolks!

Thinkings

The whole IBS thing has kind of thrown me sideways. When you've had an eating disorder and you get a good way down your recovery you kind of think, "great, this is it, we're back on track! I'm now going to be perfectly healthy for the rest of my life". You start enjoying food and trying all the things you've disallowed yourself from eating for years. You get interested in nutrition and remember that food is there to nourish us. You start getting to know your body again, and appreciate all the things it can do.

IBS is being a bit of a party pooper on my new life and I'm not a fan. It's making me not want to eat because of the pressure in my abdomen, it's making me have to start restricting the range of foods I eat (hello all my high FODMAP vegetables), and it's making me hate my bloated body. And that's not to mention the fact that my stomach is painful all. the. time. which makes me want to crawl under a duvet away from society and live a life of consistent drinking of peppermint tea with a cat on my lap.

I know things could be soooo much worse, and I'm grateful for all the ways I'm healthy and that I'm well on my way to recovery and eating the amounts I should be doing. But it is so frustrating when you're eating healthily and trying to nourish your body, and you feel like your digestive system is punishing you.

I'm really hoping that this low FODMAPs diet takes me a step in the right direction!

Hope you've all had great weeks!

E x

Seeing yourself in someone you didn't expect

Just wanted to drop in because this was playing on my mind.

Quite often I'll see a characteristic of myself in someone else...I think we all do. Sometimes it grates, and sometimes it makes us feel warmer to that person.

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But today I saw myself in someone I didn't expect to.

I'd had a rough morning of a bit of a binge and decided I needed to remove myself from my flat and get out to break the eating mindset. (Best idea: sunshine + gentle exercise + buying flowers = much less panicky, must-continue-binging Emma).

On my way home as I was trying not to beat myself up about the binging and calming myself down about the many extra calories I'd consumed I was approached by a man. He looked a bit rough and my automatic reaction was to take a step back since there was no one around and didn't want to get grabbed.

He was actually really polite and explained that he had alcohol problems and needed £10 to do his round trip to his therapist. I'm not going to lie, I'm always dubious about these stories and I never ever give cash. If someone is sat begging I'd much rather buy them food rather than give them cash. In this situation I would have apologised and walked away. But I paused.

If what he was saying was true then he wanted to get help and see a therapist. I think back to when I was desperately trying to organise to see a therapist and how lost and helpless I felt. And I always knew my parents were there to help financially, and I had a secure home life. He clearly didn't have this, and I felt so sorry for him.

I had no cash so even if I'd wanted to I couldn't have helped. In hindsight, I should have given him my Oyster card - he couldn't have bought alcohol or drugs with it, but if he'd needed to he could have got to his therapist.

It reminded me that sometimes we see people on the streets and we judge or we don't relate with them. Inside they're the same people as us, with more problems and more struggles. We could have been them in a very different life.

Anyway, random post, but I needed to get my thoughts down in writing.

Hope you've all had a good day.

E x

Back at it and throwing away the scales!

Did Christmas actually happen?! It already feels yonks ago that I was lying on the sofa watching Christmas specials and eating my body weight in chocolate. Can every day be Christmas please? Hope everyone isn't feeling too exhausted after their first week back.

Happenings

So much to catch up on!

My last few days of holiday were nice and relaxed. I was back home in London and whilst some of it was spent cleaning out rooms and de-Christmassifying the flat (does anyone else feel guilty leaving their part-of-the-family-for-the-last-month Christmas tree outside to be picked up?!) we did do a few nice things.

We went for a lovely walk along the river into Richmond where we had a coffee - or in my case a delicious spiced apple drink. Exactly what I needed to warm my frozen hands!

We also went to the ZOO!! I haven't been to the zoo in yeeeears. I'm always very dubious about zoos and am worried that the animals haven't got enough space or nice enough living conditions. On this occasion everything seemed great on the whole.

I was also amazed at just how many situation there were the animals were roaming free! There were ants roaming free, a bird house which you could walk through, and a monkey enclosure you could walk through. The monkeys were so much fun and so cheeky! I had one jump on me and try and steal my headphones from my bag! They certainly weren't shy.

And there were some times just chilled out on the sofa with a blanket and a good film.

Maybe the most significant life event that happened though was....throwing away my scales! These things do so much more damage than good. I've not weighed myself for a good few months, but for some reason had been putting off throwing them away. Well, now they're gone!

The week back at work has been a bit of a culture shock. I'm back working away from home again which has meant living off all that M&S provides. I've missed the South Coast sunrises though!

Movings

I RAN A 10K!!!! The first week I was back in London I really wasn't feeling the runs. I missed the beautiful countryside from back at my parents' and I was craving sleep. So on the Sunday I left my garmin at home and decided to go out for a nice, easy 5k rather than pushing a longer one. Somewhere along the way I had a huge mental shift and ended up running 2 loops. It was tough, but SO GOOD! I'm putting it down to new running gear (who said you need to be colour coordinated?!)! I'd forgotten how much I love the longer runs - that extra time gives my brain that bit longer to unwind.

In fact I was so excited by the whole I signed up to the Cancer Research Winter Run 10k on 1st February! Little bit scared...

Unfortunately (and kind of unsurprising) my muscles weren't a fan and I've got some pain in my foot. I still got out for 2 4-5ks over the week (and returned to this gorgeous sunrise) and did a couple of yoga sessions, but today I decided it was getting worse. So I'm sulking, looking out at the beautiful weather and wishing I was out there training for the event. Never mind...I know deep down it's the sensible option.

Eatings

A lot of buckwheat and rice porridge. Favourite combination so far is coconut milk, sultanas, cinnamon and maple syrup. Yum!

Some cereal bowls when I've been in a rush

Some amazing smoked tofu

Home made miso soup

M&S provisions

Canteen surprises - this bean chilli was amazing!

Thinkings

This week has been a bit tough on the old grey matter. I missed the ability to follow my meal plans and having the stress of deciding what to eat removed. I really had to try hard when living off M&S to try and go for balanced meals and meeting my calorie needs. And there were times at the end of the week where I was at home and hadn't meal planned, and my eating went haywire. I am getting there though...slowly. My therapist had to remind me this week that the meal plan was a guide to help get my eating back on track - not a law of what I had to follow for the rest of my life. I needed to hear that!

My anxiety hasn't been tooooo bad this week :) My therapist gave me a form to fill out when I had anxious foods which was really helpful to use. It gets you to talk about the situation, the thoughts going through your head, the physical sensations, what thoughts would have helped balance out the negative thoughts, and how I tried and could try to reduce the anxiety. Really useful to try out - makes me feel so much more control. Something else that really helped was my therapist saying anxiety is just a weigh up of the potential danger versus the control we perceive we have. And perceptions can always be changed!


Anyway, hope you've all had a fabulous first week back and are still full of all the motivation and hope that January brings.

How to maintain balance

Happy New Year everyone! Hope we're all feeling fresh as daisies after last night's activities...!

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I spent a quiet one in with my better half, watching DVDs and drinking champagne. That's right, rock and roll...

I started the morning with a good old 5k and then tried out a new waffle maker I got my boyfriend for Christmas. I started off with his waffles which were a big flop, and by the time I actually made something edible for him I was not in the mood to make any wheat free ones for me! 

What was more of a success was my roasted almonds (170c for 10 minutes, then sprinkle with salt). I made them to go with my leftover Christmas chocolate which I bashed up and created a nutty almond mix. So good, and it means I'll be getting some protein every time I reach for a chocolate fix :)

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So yesterday I talked about how my goal this year was to maintain balance. I'm quite often an all or nothing person in what I do and one aspect of my life, whether it be running, work, or eating, completely takes over. 

For the last few months I've been setting monthly goals under different topics. The topics cover all areas of my life and help me make sure each area gets some attention. And so I get some balance! The areas I set goals in are:

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Pleasure - all the things we forget about as we're too busy cleaning, exercising, and working!

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Health - at the moment these are often eating related for me, but could be around mental health, getting a medical check up or simply paying more attention to how your body is feeling at regular intervals.

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Fitness - whether it's a new personal distance or time record, just exercising 3 times a week, or trying a new sport - anything counts!

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Fear - when I turned 26 I was feeling pretty crippled by anxiety (hurrah, don't we love anxiety). I was fed up with feeling out of control of my emotions, so I decided I would do more things to push my comfort zone. On my birthday I went up Tower Bridge to take on the glass walkway, and in December I took on a whole project at work which was beyond where I felt capable. This area of goals is important to me to make sure I don't just sit in my comfort zone for the rest of my life. 

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Work - (Yeah I wish my work desk looked like that!). For me work is normally the thing that takes over my life. I want to improve in my role and further my career, and giving myself one or two goals can help me feel less overwhelmed.

Note: there are NO calorie or weight loss related goals. This was a big thing for me as these used to be my only goals. I'm slowly shifting my thought patterns away from this being the be all and end all of life.

When setting goals, they should be:

- Achievable in a month.

- Few. It's silly to set a heap of goals as we just can't keep up. 

- Not designed to last longer than a month. Sure, I want to take what I've learned and carry it with me, but they're about setting good habits, not ruling my life with an iron fist.

- Based on where I am now. I know how I'm feeling at the beginning of the month and what I'm realistically likely to achieve.

- Revisited throughout the month. It's amazing how quickly we can forget what our goals were, and it gives us the opportunity to try a new tactic if we realise we're not getting anywhere with one.

- Never repeats from the month before. If I achieved it that month, great. Let's learn from that and take our new skills on with us. If I didn't achieve it last month, why not? If I don't change anything I'm not likely to achieve it this month, so let's break it down and create a goal that will help me overcome where I missed out. 

- Always reflected on at month end. We should give ourselves a pat on the back where we did well, and learn from where we didn't. 

Sure, I rarely tick of all of my goals at the end of the month but I never feel like I've failed as there are always some I'm achieved! And, in the aim of maintaining balance, at the end of the month it's a great visible way of seeing how you've progressed in all areas!

My January goals are:

Pleasure

- Book theatre tickets. My boyfriend and I got vouchers last Christmas (yikes!) and have never got round to booking anything. We know we want to go and see Wicked, we just need to book it!

- Make the most of our week off at the start of January. It's already flying by, and I've spent an embarrassing amount of it sleeping, so need to get on with this one!

- Make sure my boyfriend has a wonderful birthday at the end of the month

- Write an email to a friend I've lost contact with

- Write all the online recipes I use frequently into a recipe folder...it's such a pain having to boot my laptop up every time I want to cook!

(I always tend to have a few more pleasure goals, as they tend to be more one off to dos, rather than ongoing challenges).

Health

- Focus on stabilising my blood sugar. My meal plan is reminding me what it's like to eat well rounded meals and not be darting between sugar highs and sugar lows. I really want to focus on keeping a stable blood sugar to keep on with the great feeling I have from eating this way

- Keep as close to the meal plan when I'm back at work. When I'm back at work in a week I'm working away from home again without a kitchen. I can't follow my meal plan and am always tempted to go back to my routine of fewer calories and more snacking. I want to try and eat as normally as possible!

Fitness

- Run a 7k. This month I've been at the 6k level so want to step it up.

- Do 10 proper push ups. For ages I've been doing push ups on my knees, and it's about time I manned up!

Fear

- Throw away the scales. I haven't weighed myself for a very long time and the thought of weighing myself terrifies me as I know the number will over rule any logical thoughts about my weight. Still, I've been putting off throwing my scales away, you know, just in case... Well stuff that. Scales are not needed in my life right now, so I need to get rid.

Work

- Maintain a positive attitude. I'm going back to work on  a project I'm not a fan of. It has unrealistic time pressures, not the best working team ever, and is just generally difficult. I finished my last project feeling stronger in my role and enjoying work...I want to keep that optimism!

Anyway, I hope those tips help you get balance in your life just like it's helped me :)

E x

What are your goals this month or year?