My eating today hasn't been great. I nearly cried when I saw the calorie total. (I know I shouldn't, but in the context of my binging this weekend it just hit hard).
I've felt "toxic" all day. You know when you're hungover and you just feel like you can feel all those gross bits of alcohol poisons lingering in your body? That's how I felt. I guess it was just my blood sugar levels being all over the place, and when I eventually managed to get some breakfast this morning I was feeling better.
I took my laptop to my workplace's cafe and sat with a peppermint tea and had nuts and an apple that I'd left there last week. It felt so good jut to get some plant power in me! The perfect breakfast on the go.
Then I went to a meeting...where my client had brought a quadruple tiered salted caramel chocolate cake. They always bring cake to the meetings, and so far I've politely refused. However this time I felt massive pressure to have a piece to be thankful for their kindness. I thought I'd at least think it tasted good, but it was a bit sickly, and it set my blood sugar levels all over the place again.
I ended up not having lunch til about 3.30 as I was still stuffed from the late breakfast, cake and all the messed up eating from the last couple of days. I'd been super prepared yesterday and cooked dinner in advance, put it in a tupperware box to take to work with me...and in the end I took it all the way to work, and all the way back home, and ate it at my own dining room table! I had gluten free pasta in a homemade tomato sauce, with veg, black beans and nutritional yeast.
I also ate a lot of bread, to the point of feeling uncomfortably full :(
I can't believe the difference between how awful I feel now, and how good I was feeling last week.
And at the back of my mind I know I've got to do this food diary for the therapist, and I'm dreading it.
I also rang up to get my blood test results. I've been feeling so much better (my runs have been visible evidence of how much more energy I have!) and whilst my levels have improved, the Drs want me to be on supplements for another 3 MONTHS! I know it's for my own good, and not really much of a hardship (other than paying for the tablets and it messing up my digestion slightly) but I guess it's just that thing about still being ill when you thought you were better. And 3 months seems so long - it's a quarter of a year!
I think one of the main causes of my annoyance is that the reason I'm not getting better is because I'm not eating properly. And the reason I'm not eating properly is because I need support in doing so. But the NHS won't give you that support unless you're severely under a healthy BMI. And as I said in my post about being ruled by the scales BMI means nothing! It's such a frustrating situation to be in.
Anyway, there's not a lot I can do about it. So on to the more positive side of my day!
There have been so many small little things that have made me really happy today.
- My morning run (albeit meaning I had to get up before 5am) was SO good. It was a drizzly morning, but it meant that the temperature was perfect, and it felt like I was flying!
- The allotments next to the train station (for which I'm on a 5 year waiting list...sigh) are looking amazing! You can't really see here, but this one had a purple shed, with purple fox glove and red poppies. So beautiful!
- Listening to great rainy day music, such as this from Gabrielle Aplin's English Rain album (so aptly named!)
- This happening at work today
- Getting so much work done on my train journeys! I'd honestly make the train my office if I could!
- Hopefully changing a little girl's perceptions on life, at least for today. She was looking at skinny models on the front covers of magazines, and so I picked up a New Scientist in front of her to try and change her goals in life.
- Being at home for the rest of the week :)
So not all a bad day today then.
Hope you all have lovely evenings.