Hi everyone, I hope you’ve all had wonderful weekends!
I spent mine back at home with my parents in Cheshire, which has been so lovely, but of course far too short.
At the start of June myself, my parents and one of my brothers are going to a garden party at Buckingham Palace, hosted by the Queen and a selection of other royal family members! I cannot put into words how excited I am.
However, naturally, this requires a new outfit, so me and Mum decided we’d spend this weekend going shopping together so we could give each other a bit of a pep talk when we got tired and depressed. There are some pretty strict regulations as to what you have to wear: women are required to wear day dresses (with straps of more than an inch thick, and no shorter than knee length) with a hat or fascinator.
So on Saturday we went into Manchester to hit the shops. I think it’s safe to say that we tried on pretty much every dress in Manchester. We were shopping for 6 HOURS! A few of my favourites are below (excuse the poor quality: they're a picture of a picture...long story).
We also tried on some hats. This was the bit I was most worried about with the outfit, as I’m not usually a hat wearer. But I LOVED the hats! So excited to have an excuse to get to wear one :)
We stopped for a lunch break in Starbucks where I just had an Innocent Antioxidant smoothie (I’m quickly becoming addicted to these) along with an apple and some almonds I’d brought with me. Not the most sustaining lunch – I think if I’d had something proper there would have been much less dragging of my legs through the afternoon!
I also stopped off at Holland and Barrett to pick up a couple of Nakd bars in the penny sale, as I knew they’d be good for travelling home on the Sunday.
In the end, neither of us actually came back with anything, but I think I’m going to get the Monsoon dress. I love the Karen Millen one, but I think there may a bit too much leg on show for the Queen! I thought the Phase Eight dress was very Kate Middleton, but the colour was a bit bright. My Mum’s got a few options up her sleeve too, so I consider the trip a half success!
This is the first shopping trip I’ve been on in a long time. I think it’s fair to say going shopping puts the fear of God in me. So many mirrors, sometimes unflattering lighting, and no other option than to face up to what clothing size you currently are. My wardrobe at the moment is full of clothes that are old and tatty and need replacing, but I just haven’t had the confidence to go and buy new ones. To make matters worse, I know that if I’m going to get help for my disordered eating there’s a large chance I’ll put on weight, and I don’t want to buy clothes now only to have to later replace them because they no longer fit. I’m not made of money!
However you know what? It wasn’t too bad. The dresses I was trying on were beautiful, and there were only a couple of pieces of clothing that I couldn’t fit into. I put most of my weight on around my hips, stomach and thighs, whilst my bust (unfortunately!) doesn’t change so much, so most of the dresses fitted around my top fine, and then glided over the bits I was less comfortable with. There were times I saw myself in the mirror and felt disgusted and panicky about how the body I saw didn’t reflect the body I had a few years ago at the worst of my disordered eating. But I reminded myself that I want to get better, and that in getting better I was going to most likely put on weight, but not from my bingeing, instead through eating proper amounts of healthy, nourishing food.
My evening was spent watching one of my favourite events of the entire year: EUROVISION! Growing up my parents always used to watch it, and it would be a treat to be able to stay up and watch right to the end (although I’m not sure why as the voting is the most boring part!), so it was nice to relive the tradition. And Eurovision didn’t fail with its usual randomness, glitter, political controversy, and annoyingly catchy cheesy dance beats. I thought the winner was a worthy one, and glad the UK entry didn’t come last – it was far too catchy for that!
Sunday has been lovely and leisurely. Despite some lashing rain I headed out for a 5k this morning, and it was a brilliant one. Running up here is always so much more pleasant than in London, and I don’t know whether it’s the country air or just the stunning scenery, but I also run so much better!
The rest of the day was spent just chatting with my parents, discussing private therapists for me to go and see, and just generally relaxing and catching up with some social media. Unfortunately the day’s flown by, and all too soon it was time to get my train, which is where I’m currently sat typing this from.
Eating hasn’t been great over the weekend. I missed breakfast on the Saturday, mostly because I didn’t have time, and partly for fear of eating before trying on clothes, and as I said, lunch wasn’t particularly sustaining. I did have a bit of a binge in the evening once my parents had gone to bed. I always panic because I feel I have to eat the yummy foods they have in the house whilst I have the chance, before I go back to where I don’t allow myself these foods, and only eat restricted calories. I of course felt disgusting afterwards, and particularly when I weighed myself Sunday morning.
Sunday I had a bit of a queasy and upset stomach after breakfast (I think probably due to anxiety at returning to London rather than anything I ate) so I tried to keep my eats fairly plain, and did have a ginger bread Nakd bar as ginger can settle the stomach.
Enjoy the rest of your Sundays!
What did you do with your weekends? Do you enjoy going shopping?